原則一 以始為終——你想要什么樣的孩子，決定你的 教育方式 ················································001
家長(zhǎng)要首先了解自己，再談如何教育孩子 ····················003
你期待有一個(gè)什么樣的孩子，就應(yīng)該用什么樣的教育方式 008
打破不良的代際循環(huán)，不要用父母對(duì)待你的方式對(duì)待孩子 014
抓好教育的關(guān)鍵點(diǎn)，當(dāng)好父母其實(shí)很輕松 ····················019
一、圍繞人的發(fā)展規(guī)律，了解哪些是教育關(guān)鍵點(diǎn) ······021
二、在關(guān)鍵期，只做正確的事 ····························023
原則二 善意教育——孩子并非生來(lái)就是白紙，要發(fā)現(xiàn) 和敬畏孩子 ·············································027
要把孩子當(dāng)天才，信任孩子 ·····································029
把孩子當(dāng)老師，向孩子學(xué)習(xí)，跟孩子請(qǐng)教 ····················035
從“我不會(huì)允許你”到“我想聽(tīng)聽(tīng)你” ························040
一、孩子不是工具，不該承載父母的需要 ··············041
二、學(xué)會(huì)從“我不允許你”到“我想聽(tīng)聽(tīng)你” ··········043
孩子叛逆與否，取決于你給孩子的自由度 ····················045
原則三 習(xí)慣養(yǎng)成——優(yōu)秀的孩子不是智商高，而是 習(xí)慣好 ··················································051
學(xué)習(xí)的真相：好成績(jī)就等于好孩子嗎 ··························053
一、教育基本邏輯：習(xí)慣好成績(jī)不會(huì)差 ·················054
二、清晰目標(biāo)，指引清晰行動(dòng) ····························057
三、用目標(biāo)倒推法制定目標(biāo)，幫助孩子養(yǎng)成好習(xí)慣 ···058
養(yǎng)孩子是在培優(yōu)，而不是抓住孩子的劣勢(shì)不放 ··············060
大腦的可塑性：家長(zhǎng)改變1%，孩子改變99% ···············065
一、什么是專注力？ ········································067
二、你的眼睛看到的，是你想看到的 ····················069
三、兩個(gè)訓(xùn)練方向，培養(yǎng)專注力 ··························070
善用重復(fù)的力量：好習(xí)慣的養(yǎng)成是三分教，七分等·········073
原則四 心理韌性——孩子的內(nèi)心世界，永遠(yuǎn)大于外在 表現(xiàn) ·····················································079
當(dāng)孩子出現(xiàn)恐懼與焦慮：跳進(jìn)“洞”里陪孩子 ··············081
情緒越自由，孩子越能接納自我 ·······························087
一、孩子的真實(shí)感受，源自何處？悲觀從何而來(lái)？ ···089
二、如何做到讓孩子情緒自由呢？ ·······················092犯
錯(cuò)“示范”，糾正孩子的完美主義 ···························096
一、沖動(dòng)情緒的來(lái)源 ········································097
二、如何控制自己情緒沖動(dòng)犯錯(cuò) ··························098
孩子越能依靠父母，越能放開(kāi)探索和好奇 ····················102
第一，先從自己培養(yǎng) ········································103
第二，認(rèn)知療法，學(xué)會(huì)解釋和反駁 ·······················104
第三，幸福的秘訣，讓孩子學(xué)會(huì)和人相處 ··············107
第四，知行合一，樂(lè)觀可以習(xí)得 ··························108
原則五 行為引導(dǎo)——家長(zhǎng)要少用權(quán)力，多用規(guī)則 ··········111
堅(jiān)守行為的規(guī)則：咬住底線，放大自由的空間 ··············113
一、認(rèn)識(shí)孩子都有哪些行為？ ····························115
二、孩子的行為取決于他們所處的發(fā)展階段 ···········116
三、堅(jiān)持行為準(zhǔn)則：咬住底線，放大自由的空間 ······117
擺脫控制權(quán)之爭(zhēng)：從“針?shù)h相對(duì)”到“聯(lián)手解決問(wèn)題” ····121
一、從情緒里面走出來(lái)，辨別具體的問(wèn)題是什么 ······123
二、學(xué)會(huì)攝取不同的觀點(diǎn)，從孩子的角度去看問(wèn)題 ···124
三、與孩子明確共同的目標(biāo)，列出所有可能達(dá)成的 路徑 ······················································124
四、列出每一條路徑的長(zhǎng)處與短處各是什么，然后 選擇最適合的路徑 ·····································125
五、定期檢測(cè)，之前的選擇是否行之有效，如果無(wú)效， 需要及時(shí)調(diào)整方案，直至產(chǎn)生最優(yōu)結(jié)果 ···········126
行為本身不是問(wèn)題，而是發(fā)現(xiàn)問(wèn)題的線索 ····················128
一、避免權(quán)力壓制，陷入情緒陷阱 ·······················129
二、從“你怎么不聽(tīng)我的”到“我支持你” ·············130
三、孩子自我實(shí)現(xiàn)之前，家長(zhǎng)更應(yīng)該自我實(shí)現(xiàn) ·········132
約束孩子的行為，不如滿足孩子行為背后的情感需求 ······133
原則六 親子溝通——從親密感入手，讓孩子與你的心 更近 ·····················································139
溝通的本質(zhì)是合作，合作的前提是親密感 ····················141
一、了解親子溝通現(xiàn)狀 ·····································142
二、為什么要有效溝通？ ··································144
好的溝通，應(yīng)該是讓父母和孩子都能看見(jiàn)彼此 ··············147
面對(duì)孩子的不聽(tīng)話：先拉近關(guān)系，再提要求 ·················152
一、用三個(gè)溝通密碼，拉近你和孩子的關(guān)系 ···········153
二、如何恰如其分地提出要求和期待 ····················157
不要懼怕親子沖突，重心在于沖突后的積極修復(fù) ···········159
原則七 生活處處皆教育——生活里的點(diǎn)滴，就是親子教育 最好的教材 ·············································167
好的家長(zhǎng)，只會(huì)“影響”，不會(huì)“說(shuō)教” ·······················169
一、鏡像神經(jīng)元：孩子是天生的模仿者，父母要成為 好范本 ···················································170
二、統(tǒng)一戰(zhàn)線：家庭是價(jià)值觀的“共生土壤” ··········172
三、成為管理型家庭，踐行溫柔而堅(jiān)定的教養(yǎng)之道 ··174
利用“角色扮演”，讓孩子掌握處理事情的方法 ·············176
一、角色扮演對(duì)認(rèn)知的提升 ·······························176
二、家庭成員實(shí)踐的重要性 ·······························178
三、做園丁而不是做木匠 ··································180
教育孩子，沒(méi)有將來(lái)，只有此時(shí)此刻 ··························182
一、生命都遵循自然發(fā)展規(guī)律 ····························183
二、父母的行為比父母本身更重要 ·······················185
真正的教育從生活的點(diǎn)滴里面尋找 ····························187
一、睡眠：健康成長(zhǎng)的基石 ·······························188
二、吃飯：培養(yǎng)健康飲食習(xí)慣 ····························190
三、鍛煉：學(xué)習(xí)效率的助推器 ····························191
原則八 重建自我——養(yǎng)孩子的過(guò)程，其實(shí)也是我們?cè)?重養(yǎng)自己 ················································195
當(dāng)我們自己的能量足了，才能有效陪伴孩子 ·················197
“愛(ài)”應(yīng)當(dāng)是支撐孩子的力量源泉，而非枷鎖 ················201
一、真正的愛(ài)是尊重，不尊重就會(huì)痛苦 ·················203
二、愛(ài)孩子要遵循客觀規(guī)律，否則就會(huì)痛苦 ···········204
三、愛(ài)想要不痛苦，那就提升自己生命的質(zhì)量 ·········205
生命的真相不唯一，養(yǎng)孩子就是重養(yǎng)自己 ····················208
一、生命的真相是什么？為什么不要怪自己？ ·········210
二、不責(zé)怪自己，是一場(chǎng)人生的修行 ····················211
修復(fù)與自己的關(guān)系，才能經(jīng)營(yíng)好親子關(guān)系 ····················213
一、作為父母，我們需要被滋養(yǎng) ··························215
二、修復(fù)與自己的關(guān)系，要學(xué)會(huì)接納 ····················216
三、自洽的人生，才會(huì)幸福 ·······························218
后記 生命長(zhǎng)河中的溫暖相遇 ··································221